What Love Isn't

1 Mar 2016 admin duties


I have never believed in love at first sight. Sure enough, my love story wasn’t; I was neither wooed by my husband by his drop dead good looks nor did I make him weak in the knee with my beauty. For love to me, isn’t furor of hormones, ready to erupt at the sight of this attractive individual with their face, body, talk, wit, humor and other ‘required’ characteristics that you have on your wish list of the Perfect One. Love is not candle lit dinners and expensive Louis Vuitton bags. For the candles melt away, and the purse becomes just a commodity once they are yours.

What love is, is just sharing time together. In this crazy life, you need somebody who can make you feel at home, no matter what happens throughout the day, at the end of each day, when you come back to that one person, you come back home. To me, love is when you can share the deepest truths to that someone, no, embellishments, no guards up, exposure of the Real you. No makeup. The scariest revelations about the past that might scare the ordinary. That someone who gives you the freedom to reach the sky and beyond, to dream of the implausible and act upon it but if you crash and burn or you lose all the excitement when things don’t work out, that is still okay. The world doesn’t tumble down when you hit rock bottom because you have him, who will help you rise back up again.

We want somebody who makes us feel like there is no one as beautiful, or as smart or as kind hearted as we are. But love that person who will actually dig up all your flaws and lay it out in front of you, where you come in terms with your own imperfections. To me, for somebody to take that effort to explore the real you is more stimulating than him telling me I am just perfect the way I am. Don’t get me wrong, I am not talking about pointing out how many freckles I have on my skin, or how too short or too tall I am, or too skinny or too curvy-these corporal traits are not what shapes you as a person. I am talking about caring enough to remind you of your desires and your ability to make them true; and how unwilling you must be to settle for anything less. I am not fascinated by somebody who tells me he doesn’t want me to ‘ever’ change, because he loves me just the way I am. Change is inevitable. You are not the person you were five years ago. Somewhere down the line, he might tell you that you have changed and you are not that same person he fell in love with. And that may be an ordeal for somebody to admit. But if that somebody loves you, he will have the nerve to embrace every change in you. He should be able to tell you what’s wrong with you, and not love Every thing about you! You, on the other hand, must have the audacity to listen to him kindly, without getting defensive or feeling low about yourself, observe it in you, and see if you think that’s a problem to you. If it is, then you might want to really change it. If not, you can be strong about saying that there is nothing wrong with it. Either way, your partner and you both learn how one another thinks; which to me, is way more intimate than a romantic night out, when you are more concerned about impressing one another with well fitted dresses, or choice of restaurants; and where conversations remain shallow and benign, too scared to ruin the envisioned ‘perfect’ date. 

I would be a hypocrite if I said I hate all the fore mentioned romantic getaways, dinner dates, surprise gifts, flowers and so on. Of course there is no girl in this world who wouldn’t appreciate a box of chocolates on a sad day, or a bunch of red roses waiting for you at home. What I am saying is that this is not the true manifestation of love. There is much more to love than these immediate pleasures and gratification. I am an emotional wreck, so for me, those love letters he wrote when we were distant, or the resume pad he sent me before my interview are more thoughtful and intimate than the branded watch he got me for my birthday. Living a life with somebody you love must be stress-free. Of course that doesn’t mean it will be effortless, because when two different personalities are under one roof, there needs to be some effort from both parties to work it out; but both need to be willing to live together nonetheless. 

You may not have time for wild adventures every week, but you sure can take a stroll in your neighborhood, look for places to go on your next vacation, budget your income and include him in it. Do little things together to make your every day count. Whether building up a shelf together, or watching your favorite chick flick (that he hates), or doing absolutely nothing but sitting next to one another. But foremost, speak to one another. Words are wonderful and you might be amazed at what you or he has to say. Short words of admiration, flirty romantic notes or deep, insightful conversations; words do wonders. Just don’t wait for the magic to happen. Make time for LIFE to roll. This is the true essence of love.